I STILL WANT CHILDREN TO SIT ON MY LAPS AND REMOVE MY SELF-CREATED LONELINESS

This could be perhaps the deepest insight into my mind. I am perplexed by what I am doing. By day-time, I imagine a break-through in business - by afternoon I enjoy the lethargy of a semi retired life - by evening I am running at break neck speed on the basketball court trying to convert baskets - and by night the fact sink in that this day was the happiest of my life - AS EVERY DAY IT IS!

The cocoon with which I have surrounded myself allows me to indulge in any whims and fancies that I have - and for this I am indebted to the people who form this cocoon - my family, my colleagues in business and my students of basketball. They form the `core' of my reason to live and struggle. To ensure their joy I would do anything. They are the gods that I worship - just as they worship me as their god.

My home at SUMPOORNA is now as fulfilling as the one at Bangalore. I couldn't live without either - the extreme blessing that god has showered on me. I am alive to this fact that my life-bubble is nearing its end - hence the desire to give up `myself' in the totality is becoming stronger and stronger. AND this where my final `joys' live. I have arrived - of that I have no doubt. The travelling is over - the destination has been reached. The journies that others make I watch and wonder as to how I could help them. The desire to do something for them is very very great. I donot know whether this is right or not. If I could take away a little of their `pain' and give a `smile' - it would make my twilight years more meaningful.

I have come across people who cheated me for their gain. I bless them and pray to god that they too actualize their dreams as I have done. I have no grudges - no ill-will against them. I am also aware that there may still be `cheats' who would cross my path - but I also know that such people are cancelled out by the `good ones' who are with me.

To be able to play basketball with the young children, to be able to make their minds and bodies strong - I would like to do this till the end of my life. What the future holds for me - I donot know. But this is my strongest desire that SUMPOORNA becomes the battle cry of every child - and that to make their BODIES and MINDS strong is their goal. I have still not fully understood why SUMPOORNA has been created - what should be its goals - what should be its methodologies. I am still too much of a NON-CONFORMIST to allow any organization to run my `dream project'. I still want children to sit in my laps and fill up my self-created loneliness that I surround myself with.

I still want to be a child - and as children come to SUMPOORNA - I, too, like a child come here. Every basket they make - makes me feel that IT IS ME! I live in their bodies and minds. Their love will make me `immortal' - that which I donot seek. Let them create their own SUMPOORNAS when they grow up - let them be what they want to be [LET MY SUMPOORNA GIVE THEM STRONG MINDS AND BODIES]. Let god fulfill all their dreams as he has done mine.