I never thought I would do it. But I finally caught up with my sorrows or rather the sorrows caught up with me - after I listened to Mirza Ghalib's ghazals. The depth of pain is so extreme that I do not want to trivialize it by discussing it with any one.
Miseries surround us - imaginary likes and dislikes shape our lives. Contempt is all prevalent - yet pasted smiles try to create big lies.
I saw the world was unjust, merciless and cared too hoots about me - me, Subhash Mahajan. I wouldn't be a part of it. I would allow the predators to bite at my flesh and soul - but I wouldn't be like it. I would be just, compassionate and caring - like a lonely tree in the desert. It didn't happen overnight - I failed many times. I was called a `fool' a `freak' - I treated them like medals.
BUT THE SORROW REMAINS. It is deeply embedded in my psyche - I haven't forgiven the world. I wrote poetry to heal my wounds and the kings of sorrow - Shiv Kumar Batalvi, Mirza Ghalib became my beacons. I wrote in pain about the `joys of living'.
As I see a child struggling for his or her place in this world - my heart bleeds! I took up the game of basketball so that I could share their victories and failures - and in it I found the `healing of my wounds'. But let me declare to you - what we have created is an `evil' - it isn't what the world should be. It isn't what humanity was intended for. In Guru dutt's film the hero says `Hata lo - Hata lo - yey duniya mere saamne se hata lo [take this world away from me].
My son told me `But Papa, what can one person do' - whether he can or not is the issue, Son, I told him. The issue is whether I have the `guts' and `character' to take a stand - no matter what the odds. From the depths of my sorrow was born a resolve to fight - to fight the battle of my life. To live justly, caringly and compassionately. I have thrown away all the emotional baggages - broken all rules which cause miseries - yet I retain my sorrows.
MY SORROWS are mine!
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