They are so small - yet they aren't. The potential to change their world around them exists in them. What they make of it is `their' affair. Yet I could sow the seeds and through them change the entire history of mankind.
Having seen `nirvana' what more the `power that be' wants me to see.
A running girl's ponytails swinging like two pendulums still cause me to `swoon'.
You have set a goal for yourself, irrespective of the fact that it may be achieved or not. The fierce motivation will itself see it through - the joys of fighting herculean battles where all odds are against - is so tempting.
I must not let myself be swayed by what are my `spontaneous' thoughts - I must focus them to a logical point - if at all my life has to have a statement.
The `world' has many toxins for me to be wounded again and again. The refusal to accept them is my way of living. That SHAMBHUNAHALLI is actually going to become my real `home' for my eternity - is a fact that is slowly sinking in.
But I would need my `fixes' - I would need young children playing basketball - for then I could L I V E forever in their minds and bodies.
Putting words to paper and imagining myself as a `scholar' or a`philosopher' or at least a `freak product of environment' in which I have lived the last 55 years - is a favourite past-time of mine.
Who gives me this right to `feel' that I am unique and better than the best. Who gives me this thought that `but for me' the world would be a poor place to live in. What is it that I have contributed - what is it that I have given back in excess of what I have received! I know no answers - I have no logic to go by - yet the `journey of life' I have lived - I wouldn't exchange it for the greatest riches of the world - and the best part is that - THE REALLY BEST is about to happen!
The implosion continues. The `feelings' that were supposed to be unleashed - didn't develop. A calm neutrality - a wonderful nothingness is all that is left in this body. The contacts that once upon a time unleashed dramatic upheavals - now refuse to be be acknowledged by my mind. I suddenly feel nirvana is within my grasp.
I write this thinking no one will ever read this and even if they were to - how would they connect it. So where is the statement that I wish to make and yet wanting that no-one should know about my dark side. AN EVIL DRAPED IN WHITE!
The greatest falsehood is - `searching for truth' - searching for a meaning to your life. It sets you up on a `mirage' chase from which you can't shake yourself off.
AND perpetuates a willingness to get `fooled' again and again and like an ostrich put your head in the sand and `wishing the wolf away'. Stop searching and you have the answer! [The non-existence of the question implies an answer. In the name of intellectual gymnastics the fear that I will be called a `dim wit' - I must enter the wild goose chase - that every so called intellectual indulges in. I, for one, refuse this premise - Life need not be a bundle of questions - IT CAN JUST BE, - there is no need for any dissections.
I WILL LIVE LIFE AND WONDER AT MY LIVING - FOR I KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS.
Tomorrow's night is the last night of my gods at Sumpoorna [at least as far as this camp is concerned]. Saying Bye Bye is so difficult - yet so much has been learnt. I have been able to lay to rest all my demons - now I can live in peace!
The matches bring out the best in us and also the worst. Nobody is unaffected - the players, the coaches, the table officials, the promoters; the winners are on top of the world - the losers are at the opposite spectrum. The euphoria or the frustration will last a few days - the memories will live for a life-time.
I and my Sumpoorna will go on and on till one day we too depart from the show!
SUMPOORNA is a canvas on which these young children leave their foot-prints [or hand prints] for us to savor as memories - years nay decades from now. Their world will never be the same again - just as they change our world - we change theirs forever.
We are here, for their joy - they are here by an accidental blunder in the sporting history of our nation. What is their right - has been denied to them and an albatross has been hung around their necks. They are here to firmly remove it and cast it so far away, that it shall never be near them again.
I, Subhash Mahajan, son Puran Chand - call myself SUMPOORNA - the totality of childhood - promise to live the remainder of my life - liberating children from the serfdom of `incomplete education' and give through sports, especially through basketball.
This must be a record of sorts. Being able to write one day perpage is a luxury I haven't had for the past few months. That at Sumpoorna I have achieved it - must be a new high for my writing. Let me pat myself on the back. When I came here - I wanted to make a statement that SUMPOORNA, from now, will become more of my home. I still don't think I am yet ready. I have been too spoilt by the available luxuries of Bangalore to get used to the `ruggedness of Sumpoorna".
I hope the time would come soon, for I have lost enchantment with my surroundings at Bangalore but crave them [my daily fixes] because of five decades of habit. Breaking free isn't so easy. Yet I must - if at all I want to lead a life free of `desires' that I continuously am reducing. Food is a big thing with me - in spite of my being able to eat most of the things I never ate earlier. Hopefully, slowly and steadily I would do same for other things. Yet this trip must remain an important step.
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